If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
