Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
