I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was like eating out sand paper
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
