I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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