if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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