Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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