She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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