why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
