So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
