I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
