I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All the doctor said was why
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
