Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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