Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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