just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
