theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
