Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize