If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
