Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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