I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
