So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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