tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
