as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
