I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
