The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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