the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
