Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
