So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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