Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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