WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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