Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
