dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
