Say something about gay babies.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
