when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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