her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
