i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
