Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
