hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
