is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
