took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
