the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
