Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
