my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
