Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
