Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
