He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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