Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
