i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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