There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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