Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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