I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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