Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
