We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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