Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
