I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
