Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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