I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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