Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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