Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
