rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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