What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
