Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
