But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
