I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
