i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
