Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
