I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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