Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
