god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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