You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
