Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
