I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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