If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
