i permit you to call me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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